Hello, how are you? The classic start of small talk. Followed by an exchange of everyone's mood and usually a (brief) weather analysis. Then the decisive moment: Are there common topics to talk about or just an uncomfortable, awkward silence? Latter is what many fear and just hearing the term small talk get's them sweaty palms. It feels pressured, superficial and something one has to go through. Instead, small talk should be the complete opposite: relaxed, jolly, voluntarily and casual. With our article we would like to share 7 tips on how small talk can become a positive experience for you.
What exactly is small talk?
The small in small talk makes it seem smaller than it actually is. For many, small talk is just some shallow and meaningless blah-blah. Though, small talk does have a true value, as it can be the beginning of a new partner- or friendship. It's about building an interpersonal level with your interlocutors.
Our 7 tips for small talk
Tip 1: Small talk is no must
When small talk is voluntary, it's more likely that it will develop a flow, a smooth momentum. You decide for yourself who you want to talk to or at least about what and for how long.
Tip 2: Communicate at eye level
When small talking, all conversational partners are at eye level, independently of their title, career level, age et cetera. Small talk is no competition. Neither try to impress others, nor treat them in a condescending manner. Respect is key for small talk.
Tip 3: Neutral topics
Avoid polarizing and provoking topics, especially if you do not already know your interlocutor. If you find a connection, you can discuss such topics with more time in a more profound conversation.
Tip 4: Ask questions and listen actively The right questions and active listening signal your genuine interest and appreciation. In the beginning, closed questions can be a good icebreaker. In the course of the conversation, open questions are valuable, since they cannot be answered by a simple yes or no. For example, "Where do you plan to go on your next journey?".
Your questions are right when they get your interlocutor to tell his or her story. They should 1) serve the relationship building, 2) derive helpful information or 3) be entertaining. Drop the question if none of these criteria are fulfilled.
Active listening is not as easy as it sounds. Oftentimes, we ponder what to say next while listening. That's how we lose focus. Spontaneous, unpractised and intuitive reactions are preferable for the flow of dialogue.
Tip 5: Evoke sympathy
A positive attitude evokes sympathy. Pay compliments, express praise and articulate positively. Further, use mirroring to evoke sympathy in others. Mimic the behaviour of others subtly (!). For example: He or she folds his or her arms, then you do that too after a little while. It visualizes similarities and one feels closer to similar others.
Tip 6: Be up-to-date
It's very helpful in small talk to be informed and up-to-date – about what's happening in the world, in your region, in your industry et cetera. A great way to stay informed is for example the newsletter TheSkimm, which briefly summarizes the latest news and relevant background information (only in English).
Tip 7: Make them an expert
You just don't seem to connect but you're trapped in the situation? Use the following in your favour: People really like to talk about themselves and they feel flattered when asked for advice. Do exactly that and hopefully you have averted the awkward silence.
We hope that our tips will make your next small talk a success. Or even better: Small talk is no longer an obligatory exercise for you but rather a pleasant pastime. Just try it the next time you're waiting for the train or at the cashier. Interesting people are all around us, we just need to look up from our smartphones and talk to them.
You have more tips, like here? Please let us know, we are looking forward to your input.
You Coopers Team
Photo from Christina @ wocintechchat.com on Unsplash
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